Warrior Mom; Ava

Ava's Story
 

 

Editor's Note; this warrior mom is currently fighting her battle but she asked us to publish her story in hopes to inform others of the dangers of international relations.

 

 

I was 29 years old, owned my own business(beauty salon)-it was a fair size, I had 10 staff and was making great money. I had my own house, car etc.  I also had absolutely no desire to marry, or have children. So much so, I had clamps put on my ovarian tubes at the age of 24.  I contracted adult chicken pox that winter and had to be home from work due to the severity and contagion for three weeks. I was bored and got a computer delivered to my house.  I had decided it was time for me to go on the trip of a life time for my thirtieth birthday. So I started browsing the internet, looking at Scotland as a destination. This is when I first met my ex husband.

After 6 months of internet video chatting and telephone calls, I decided to book my ticket to Scotland for my thirtieth birthday.

My trip went amazingly well, He and his family were very intriguing, and very welcoming. I loved it in Scotland. I returned home after 2 weeks to my business and my life in Canada.

I then went back to spend new years with he and his family.  After that trip I realized how serious things were , we would talk for at least two hours a day since meeting by phone and video chat. 

After a few months I decided to sell my business and house and go to Scotland for a six month trial, to see how things go on a more permanent basis.

The 6 months were fantastic. We lived with his family-which was amazingly easy considering I was so independent.

At this point I did not really question the fact he hadn't travelled to Canada, as he was in a very poor paying job at the time.

 

My mom and dad joined us in Scotland to meet him and his family during this time, and all was wonderful

A month after I returned to Canada, he proposed. After serious consideration, I agreed. I then applied for a visa to come to the UK. This took another 6 months.

We married 2 days after my arrival. I started to work immediately-as that's how I roll.

Things were great, we eventually got our own apartment and were very happy.

Two years went by, and we decided ( as I was heading directly into my mid thirties) that it was now or never if we were to have children. Bearing in mind also, that he and his family are staunch roman catholic-family was a must , and I knew that going in.

ok so I mentioned earlier that I had been clamped. Well after much battle, we finally found a surgeon that was willing to perform the sterilization reversal. After the surgery, we were given a 2 out of 3 chance to conceive, and were told, the sooner the better the chance of success.  I was pregnant within 12 weeks.  Scared but ecstatic

 

A few months later he had a job interview, he was going to skip. I talked him into going and even sat in the car during to help ease him, he got the job, and is now  a director of the company

I had a wonderful pregnancy, a hard birth, which had literally traumatized my husband. And into the world was my first son.

My baby was 3 months old the first time we travelled to Canada for my family to meet him.(other than my mom and dad who had been visiting regularly .

My son was approximately 6 months old when he was taking a nap, I opened the computer to find a page called world wide wives- a pornographic site with a ton of messages to my husband from a variety of women- his profile said up for anything.  I was mortified!

 

I called him at work and he came rushing home immediately to ease my mind, that this was only for him when I wasn't in the mood, which admittedly was very often due to just having a baby (I had also gained a lot of weight, which had affected my self esteem)

Anywho, a year and later I fell pregnant with my second son, we then had decided to move into a larger home. And got caught in the global economy crash and ended up with 2 mortgages, so we rented the first home out. Our relationship had started to change by now, he wasn't as helpful, he was more moody etc. I put this down to the stress of the two mortgages. even my mother had questioned if everything was alright, I thought it was. I thought we would get through this little hurdle easy.

He started to travel a lot that year, constantly really, and when he wasn't travelling he was at a pub poker league, leaving me all the time alone with the children. I was lonely but didn't mind too much as my job was to look after the children the house and my job.

That Christmas( in fact on Xmas day) he informed me he didn't love me any more, and was no longer attracted to me. He moved house 3 days later. But told me he wanted to go to counseling. I arranged the counseling immediately  following the Xmas holidays, and was wholly into saving my marriage. I had suggested Saturday date night- he told me it wasn't spontaneous enough. I asked him to come home on several occasions and was told 'I cant!'

After the second counseling session, we sat in his car and talked for and hour and a half. agreeing that the next week we would walk into the counseling on the 'same page' whether that was to split up or make it work.

The next week , he picked me up for counseling, and to my surprise- denied the whole conversation we had the previous week. when I brought this up in counseling he stormed out never to return, and informed me he wanted a permanent separation.

 

At this point as well no one knew where he was living, his mother thought he was at his best friend, and I found out that his best friend thought he was at his mothers. so I hired a PI, only to find out he was living with another woman.

We then has talks about financial arrangements and he informed my that my free house would be ending soon. I did not recognize this man, so mean, hurtful and hateful, and I had done nothing, other than sacrifice my home, my friends, my family, and gave him 2 beautiful children.

I was scared, especially having no family here, and two children to raise. So I applied for permission to return with the children to Canada and the safety of my family and friends. I was denied permission, as the judge felt the application to return was premature as the finances and divorce were not agreed, he could not make a decision about which situation was better for the children, when we didn't really know what the situation in Scotland was going to be, bearing in mind, my husband was now a director and making extremely good money.

The divorce has still not been agreed, as he will not commit to paper to continue giving me the amount of the mortgage he has continued to pay, which I need to keep the roof over our head as my job is just barely above minimum wage.( its well under a third of his income that I am asking for) Which will keep us only just in the same situation we are in.

He has been consistent with the children having then 2 night a week while I work. And he and his girlfriend have bought a house together.

His family have welcomed her into their homes, closing the door on me. which they did as soon as I applied to return home to my family. 

I am now stuck in Scotland with few friends, and no family, except my beautiful boys. Dreading the outcome of the divorce next year as it will probably see us into low income(council housing) which in Scotland is full of drunks and junkies. I now have to depend on the government for the first time in my life for financial aid-and am not proud of it!  I am angry, hurt, abandoned , but despite this, I have kept my feelings away from my children. I even pretend to be happy when they talk about ho much they love their dads girlfriend(whom they met 6 weeks after he left, and how much they love the big beautiful house they now own.

 

However my children are my life, I worry that someday I may have to traumatize them by removing them to Canada if our situation get to bad and the court gives us permission, I also worry that I will be stuck in this grey rainy god forsaken country for the rest of my life. I miss the clean air, the beautiful summers, the warm air at night and being able to sit outside in the evenings, the list goes on. I could return home if I wanted yes, but that would mean abandoning my boys-simply not an option! I would rather cry myself to sleep every night for the rest of my life than to put them through that!

Thanks for listening ( reading) it was time to let it out.



Warrior Story written in Warrior's own words as anonymity was requested

 

For a related story, check out Christy's Story