Warrior Mom; Nancy

Nancy's Story

On August 12, 2009 my son John Anthony was born in Germany due to his dad being stationed there. My entire pregnancy we were told that we were having a perfectly healthy child. At birth we noticed that he did not have a right ear, it was completely shut where his ear should have been, we instantly new something was wrong but never expected how things really were. When he was 2 weeks old his Genetic testing came back and he was diagnosed with Cri du Chat Syndrome which is a very rare syndrome. In November he became very sick with Pneumonia, Doctors both Military and German did not believe that he could survive this Pneumonia and John and I returned to Los Angeles, CA to seek better healthcare and a slight possibility of him surviving. We arrived in CA a week before Christmas 2009. In January I took him to the ER because the Pneumonia returned, he was then transferred to Loma Linda Children's Hospital which was a better equipped hospital. His dad was sent on Emergency Leave to be by his bedside as his future was unknown. John was taken to surgery to correct an obstruction in his airway but the surgery failed and they had to place a tracheostomy for him to be able to breathe, his father had to return to Germany within 12 hours of the surgery while John was still in a coma. On our way to the airport we got a phone call that his condition had worsened and they had to do 2 emergency blood transfusions. At this point John was 5 months and only weighed 5.7lbs so he was a very fragile little boy. A feeding tube was place shortly after. during 2010 John spent about 90% of the time in the hospital.

In September 2010 I became pregnant with our daughter. John's health was worsening again and he was not tolerating his feeds and losing weight very quickly so in January John was hospitalized for his rapid weight loss and spent 3 weeks in the hospital. The day before John was discharged from the hospital his father served me with divorce papers and I was 4 months pregnant. On June 2nd 2011 I went into labor with out daughter, when my water broke they noticed that their was meconium in the water and that her heart rate was decreasing rapidly but thankfully she was born perfectly healthy. On June 19th 2011 John was hospitalized to have his trach removed but 2 days later John suffered 2 strokes. It took them over 15 minutes to resuscitate him. He was put on life support and spent 13 days in a come. When he woke up he was basically a vegetable, he no longer recognized anyone or interacted with us. He went home 3 weeks later but was still not tolerating his feeds. I would have to feed him every hour 24 hours a day. It took over a year for him to remember what he use to do before the stroke. He is now 4 years old and is still not able to sit down, walk, eat by himself, or do anything by himself. I feed him every 2 hours around the clock. He has done things that doctors said he would never do and is still alive after 3 close calls with death. He is my miracle.

Warrior story written by Nancy Martinez in her own words
 

 

For a related story, check out Maria's Story

Warrior Mom; Kimbra

Kimbra's Story

As I sat down to write my story, I wasn't really sure where I should begin. So, I decided to start from the beginning. My story, like many others begins with a childhood that was rough for several reasons. At age 13 I met a guy who made my life happier, he gave me an escape from my bad home life, and made me smile. We became very close and soon were spending every minute possible together. After dating for a few years, I found out at the age of 16 that I was pregnant with our first child. November 1999 our first son was born, and life as teenage parents began. With the life of teenage parenting came tremendous changes, and I eventually decided to quit High School in order to find a job. Life was far from perfect but we were happy.
When our son was 5 months old, I found out I was pregnant again, and a few months later in September of 2000 I became a 17 year old wife. Our second child (a daughter) was born in February of 2001. Unfortunately due to poor health care, and mistakes made by the hospital she was delivered 10 weeks premature, and spent the first 5 weeks of her life in a neonatal intensive care unit. In April of 2001 at the ages of 18 and 20 we decided to uproot our small family and move 900 miles away from home. Once we moved things began a downward spiral for us, and 6 short months later we were home. Our move caused us to grow up a great deal, and upon returning home we both got jobs, and things were finally starting to look up for us. Then, one evening as I was at work waiting tables, my chest began to hurt. By the end of my shift the pain was so severe that I asked my mom to meet me at work, and drive me to the Emergency room. While there it was discovered that I was pregnant, but not only was I pregnant I was approximately 5 months pregnant. I was shocked, at this point I did not know whether to laugh or cry, here I was 18 years old and pregnant with my third child. The next morning I went on what I expected to be a routine prenatal visit, when the doctor decided it would be best to do an ultra sound to see exactly how far along I truly was. It was during this ultra sound my husband and I heard the technician speak words like, water, hole, and deformities. Although we were told nothing, we both knew something was wrong. When we were called back into the doctors office, she began to tell us that she suspected that our baby had a condition called Hydrocephalous and although this was a serious condition, she did not feel it would be life threatening, and wanted to send us to a neonatal specialist to confirm her suspicions.

 Two weeks later we were sitting in the office of a specialist when we got the news, that our third

child (our son) had a condition called Hydranencephaly, and that his changes of surviving the pregnancy were only 50%. If he did however survive pregnancy and delivery he would likely only live a few hours at most. They told us that our son would be blind, deaf, unable to regulate his temperature, and overall a vegetable without any knowledge of his surroundings. The doctors began to suggest abortion, and tried to urge us in the direction of terminating the pregnancy telling us that we were young, and we already had two healthy children to think of. I of course denied, telling the doctors that although they were telling me my child would not live, I felt it was my duty as his mother to give him every opportunity possible at life. A few months later in March 2002 our son was born, and three days later much to the astonishment of doctors he went home under the care of a hospice. The next several years were an extreme roller coaster. On several occasions we thought we were going to loose our child, and many times the pediatric intensive care unit became our home. However, after 6 years of medical hell our sons health began to level out, and he was doing amazingly well. So well in fact we decided that the services of hospice were no longer needed. Sadly over 8 years our marriage had become anything but happy, and eventually there was far more bad times then good. In June of 2008 we decided that neither of us could do it anymore.

So, there I was a 25 year old, uneducated, single mom of 3 and on my own for the first time in my life. Soon after my divorce, I began to date a close friend, and only a few months later we found out that we were expecting (SURPRISE!) Our son was born in January 2010, and we were married 4 months later in May. Things were hard, and financially we struggled, but we were happy and my life was finally starting to feel settled. Months passed, and things were amazing. We both got better paying jobs, and moved into a bigger house. All four kids were doing wonderful, and we were becoming a happy family. Then on August 9, 2011 our world came crashing down. That day had been a day like any other preparing for the older children to return to school a few days later, but that evening our lives stopped. My son Dillion had been taking a nap in his room, and I when I went to check on him that evening, I discovered that he had passed in his sleep. I still remember that night very clearly. I remember screaming for my husband to call 911. I remember every word spoke to the operator on the other end of the line. I remember doing CPR. I remember the tears pouring down my cheeks as I begged my son to breath, and I remember holding my son in my arms when the paramedics said "Time of death 11:13pm." The days, and weeks that followed my sons death were like a nightmare. Thirty hours after my son passed away, his best friend (another disabled child) passed as well. Then two weeks after my son passed, we lost our home, as the unexpected funeral expenses put us in a place where we just simply could not pay the bills. We were homeless! Fortunately we were able to move in with my little brother and although the conditions were far from ideal, we had a roof over our head, and we were thankful. Months went by, and we were beginning to get back on our feet. We found a beautiful trailer in the country and moved, hoping that this would be the place where our hearts would begin to heal. Unfortunately just two short months later we discovered that we had been scammed by our landlord, and were forced out of our house by the sheriff, when the house was posted as foreclosed. Several months of couch hopping, and we once again found a rent house, it wasn't great, but it was a place we could call home. We moved in, and prayed that life would finally settle, and that we may finally begin to heal.

Unfortunately our lives were far from being settled. I had been sick for months, but had ignored it assuming that my sickness was likely caused from the severe stress of my life over the last 10 months. Eventually though the sickness became so severe that I simply could not ignore it anymore. Upon going to the doctor, they began to run many tests, and three days later I heard the words no woman ever wants to hear. In the cold office of a doctor with absolutely no bedside manner, I was told that I had stage 3 uterine cancer. The doctor went on to say that although they would prefer to do surgery immediately my blood counts were such that it was unsafe for me to have surgery, and therefore treatment must be started that day. Two months later on August 9, 2012 (the one year anniversary of my son's passing)

I went into surgery and had a total radical hysterectomy. After surgery, treatment continued for two more months, until I was told that once again due to poor health care, and no medical insurance I would not be able to continue with treatment. The doctor went on to tell me that while I was technically cancer free the chances of recurrence were significantly increased, and how very sorry he was that the Indian health system simply would not budge on their decision. Of course after hearing this, I fell into a deep depression. Pretty soon my marriage was suffering, and after a little longer, we were all totally miserable. On Christmas eve 2012 my husband and I decided that we were going to have to go our separate ways. There I was, this time 29 and once again on my own. I immediately got a job, and proved not only to myself, but to everyone else that I could do this. I wasn't going to crawl into a hole and die (even though I felt like it at times). I was going to fight! Fortunately after 3 months of separation in February 2013 my husband and I reconciled. Life is still a struggle at times, and things are far from perfect. But, we have learned that being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect, it means you have learned to accept the imperfections. We are of course still healing, but we are fighting. Every day we fight for our lives together, and we fight for our happiness. Life has dealt us more than our fair share of bad cards, but we have learned that it's not about waiting on that winning hand, it is all about fighting to win even when you are dealt a few bad cards!

Warrior story written by Kimbra in her own words.

 

 

Check out my co-founders story @ Warrior Mom; Christy

Warrior Mom; Ava

Ava's Story
 

 

Editor's Note; this warrior mom is currently fighting her battle but she asked us to publish her story in hopes to inform others of the dangers of international relations.

 

 

I was 29 years old, owned my own business(beauty salon)-it was a fair size, I had 10 staff and was making great money. I had my own house, car etc.  I also had absolutely no desire to marry, or have children. So much so, I had clamps put on my ovarian tubes at the age of 24.  I contracted adult chicken pox that winter and had to be home from work due to the severity and contagion for three weeks. I was bored and got a computer delivered to my house.  I had decided it was time for me to go on the trip of a life time for my thirtieth birthday. So I started browsing the internet, looking at Scotland as a destination. This is when I first met my ex husband.

After 6 months of internet video chatting and telephone calls, I decided to book my ticket to Scotland for my thirtieth birthday.

My trip went amazingly well, He and his family were very intriguing, and very welcoming. I loved it in Scotland. I returned home after 2 weeks to my business and my life in Canada.

I then went back to spend new years with he and his family.  After that trip I realized how serious things were , we would talk for at least two hours a day since meeting by phone and video chat. 

After a few months I decided to sell my business and house and go to Scotland for a six month trial, to see how things go on a more permanent basis.

The 6 months were fantastic. We lived with his family-which was amazingly easy considering I was so independent.

At this point I did not really question the fact he hadn't travelled to Canada, as he was in a very poor paying job at the time.

 

My mom and dad joined us in Scotland to meet him and his family during this time, and all was wonderful

A month after I returned to Canada, he proposed. After serious consideration, I agreed. I then applied for a visa to come to the UK. This took another 6 months.

We married 2 days after my arrival. I started to work immediately-as that's how I roll.

Things were great, we eventually got our own apartment and were very happy.

Two years went by, and we decided ( as I was heading directly into my mid thirties) that it was now or never if we were to have children. Bearing in mind also, that he and his family are staunch roman catholic-family was a must , and I knew that going in.

ok so I mentioned earlier that I had been clamped. Well after much battle, we finally found a surgeon that was willing to perform the sterilization reversal. After the surgery, we were given a 2 out of 3 chance to conceive, and were told, the sooner the better the chance of success.  I was pregnant within 12 weeks.  Scared but ecstatic

 

A few months later he had a job interview, he was going to skip. I talked him into going and even sat in the car during to help ease him, he got the job, and is now  a director of the company

I had a wonderful pregnancy, a hard birth, which had literally traumatized my husband. And into the world was my first son.

My baby was 3 months old the first time we travelled to Canada for my family to meet him.(other than my mom and dad who had been visiting regularly .

My son was approximately 6 months old when he was taking a nap, I opened the computer to find a page called world wide wives- a pornographic site with a ton of messages to my husband from a variety of women- his profile said up for anything.  I was mortified!

 

I called him at work and he came rushing home immediately to ease my mind, that this was only for him when I wasn't in the mood, which admittedly was very often due to just having a baby (I had also gained a lot of weight, which had affected my self esteem)

Anywho, a year and later I fell pregnant with my second son, we then had decided to move into a larger home. And got caught in the global economy crash and ended up with 2 mortgages, so we rented the first home out. Our relationship had started to change by now, he wasn't as helpful, he was more moody etc. I put this down to the stress of the two mortgages. even my mother had questioned if everything was alright, I thought it was. I thought we would get through this little hurdle easy.

He started to travel a lot that year, constantly really, and when he wasn't travelling he was at a pub poker league, leaving me all the time alone with the children. I was lonely but didn't mind too much as my job was to look after the children the house and my job.

That Christmas( in fact on Xmas day) he informed me he didn't love me any more, and was no longer attracted to me. He moved house 3 days later. But told me he wanted to go to counseling. I arranged the counseling immediately  following the Xmas holidays, and was wholly into saving my marriage. I had suggested Saturday date night- he told me it wasn't spontaneous enough. I asked him to come home on several occasions and was told 'I cant!'

After the second counseling session, we sat in his car and talked for and hour and a half. agreeing that the next week we would walk into the counseling on the 'same page' whether that was to split up or make it work.

The next week , he picked me up for counseling, and to my surprise- denied the whole conversation we had the previous week. when I brought this up in counseling he stormed out never to return, and informed me he wanted a permanent separation.

 

At this point as well no one knew where he was living, his mother thought he was at his best friend, and I found out that his best friend thought he was at his mothers. so I hired a PI, only to find out he was living with another woman.

We then has talks about financial arrangements and he informed my that my free house would be ending soon. I did not recognize this man, so mean, hurtful and hateful, and I had done nothing, other than sacrifice my home, my friends, my family, and gave him 2 beautiful children.

I was scared, especially having no family here, and two children to raise. So I applied for permission to return with the children to Canada and the safety of my family and friends. I was denied permission, as the judge felt the application to return was premature as the finances and divorce were not agreed, he could not make a decision about which situation was better for the children, when we didn't really know what the situation in Scotland was going to be, bearing in mind, my husband was now a director and making extremely good money.

The divorce has still not been agreed, as he will not commit to paper to continue giving me the amount of the mortgage he has continued to pay, which I need to keep the roof over our head as my job is just barely above minimum wage.( its well under a third of his income that I am asking for) Which will keep us only just in the same situation we are in.

He has been consistent with the children having then 2 night a week while I work. And he and his girlfriend have bought a house together.

His family have welcomed her into their homes, closing the door on me. which they did as soon as I applied to return home to my family. 

I am now stuck in Scotland with few friends, and no family, except my beautiful boys. Dreading the outcome of the divorce next year as it will probably see us into low income(council housing) which in Scotland is full of drunks and junkies. I now have to depend on the government for the first time in my life for financial aid-and am not proud of it!  I am angry, hurt, abandoned , but despite this, I have kept my feelings away from my children. I even pretend to be happy when they talk about ho much they love their dads girlfriend(whom they met 6 weeks after he left, and how much they love the big beautiful house they now own.

 

However my children are my life, I worry that someday I may have to traumatize them by removing them to Canada if our situation get to bad and the court gives us permission, I also worry that I will be stuck in this grey rainy god forsaken country for the rest of my life. I miss the clean air, the beautiful summers, the warm air at night and being able to sit outside in the evenings, the list goes on. I could return home if I wanted yes, but that would mean abandoning my boys-simply not an option! I would rather cry myself to sleep every night for the rest of my life than to put them through that!

Thanks for listening ( reading) it was time to let it out.



Warrior Story written in Warrior's own words as anonymity was requested

 

For a related story, check out Christy's Story