Warrior Mom; Tarinna

Tarinna's Story

 



 

My story started almost 12 years ago when I got pregnant with my now 11 year old at 16. I did everything I was suppose to. I got married because it was the right thing to do, right? Not so much, that was a big mistake. I went back to work when Chey was 5 days old and came home to get beat every night! In typical fashion I dealt with it, because my daughter deserved her dad. When she was 3 months old I couldn't take it anymore, I packed all I could in my little car and left! Two months later I started seeing someone else, he was amazing in every way. He loved Chey, he loved me, we were princesses in his world. It didn't take long I was pregnant with number two sadly it did not last and I miscarried. I got pregnant again right after, and  had my beautiful daughter Jasmyn Nicole.  Her and Chey were everything to me. We had a good life may not have been rich, but we had more love than we could handle. On may 10, 2004 I got sick so my fiancé gave Chey a bath while I fell asleep with Jasmyn. When he was done he came and got baby girl and I went off to bed. About two hours later I was awaken to a nightmare he had fallen with Jasmyn and I could see swelling on her face so I rushed up and took her straight to the ER. I can still remember riding in that car with my baby on my lap asking God to make it ok. We finally got to the hospital and everything was in slow motion. Doctors rushing around and at this point police are there questioning what happened. I sat in a corner with Jasmyn feeding her, and the nurse wanted to lay her down, they were transferring her to another hospital.

 When I laid her down the swelling on her head was pushed which caused a seizure. They immediately intubated her and life flighted her. It seems like it took days to get to the other hospital by the time we got there the police were asking a thousand questions. I just wanted to be with my baby. They finally allowed me to go, because all I could tell them was I don't know, and I didn't see anything . They took my fiancé from the hospital back to our town so he could reenact what happened for the police. After 29 hours in the hospital and countless mistakes I had to make a choice no mother should ever have to make.  Jasmyn had no brain activity, the previous hospital had intubated her wrong causing her to go 9 hours without oxygen to her brain! My baby was brain dead and there was nothing I could do besides chose to not let her live as a vegetable. I picture it every single day, them unhooking her life support and handing her to me for a moment the world stood completely still all I could do was sit there and cry and hold her and not let go.. My world was shattered.

 I wish it could have ended there, but it was just the beginning. Now we had to deal with not only mourning our daughter, but dealing with DHS and the police who were convinced he did it on purpose. They immediately took my other daughter from me they gave her to my parents who I can never thank enough. I spent the days following sitting on Jasmyns floor staring at her crib wishing I could just hold my 3 month old again, kiss her, listen to her coo, tell her I love her! The world kept going and I was stuck in hell! The pastor came over and I will never forget his words " if you guys were living right this would have not happened." We weren't married so God was punishing us. I didn't speak to God again. I was so mad, so hurt someone who's suppose to be a messenger for God cut me so deep. Back to the investigation, my fiancé was arrested and put in jail for 8 months charged with first degree child abuse murder. I stood by him through it all knowing he's never shown me any reason to doubt him, he's always been loving and great with all 3 girls. Just before trial he did some things that ended our relationship. Yes, I hated him oh Lord did I ever. You stand by someone so long through hell and they stab you in the back it hurt. Everyone was so worried I would make up stuff in court because I was mad but that's not me. I remember having to walk in the door nauseous, getting on the stand having to tell a jury what happened I couldn't even look up because all our family and friends were there and seeing their faces and tears hurt more. I told my side and didn't make it halfway through before taking a break. I couldn't hold it to together, I just cried. After almost 2 years we finally got a verdict. we finally sat in front of people who did not know us to give my ex his fate with nothing we could do! " Not guilty" we all knew he was innocent but we had to go through hell for other people to say so! Through this all I was also going to court for my now 3 year old daughter, and the judge was awful. All she wanted was for me to say he did it and she would give Chey back. I was at a loss, do I put an innocent man away for life and get my daughter back or keep fighting and fighting?  And fight is what I did to the point of hiring a private adoption attorney and signing my rights over to my parents to get her out of the court system. Finally we all could breathe we could all move on and go where life takes us.

 During all the courts I dated a couple losers to say the least. Then I met my now husband, he saved me when I couldn't handle anymore.  He came with two beautiful children they were three and four at the time. I immediately became their mom not knowing the struggles I would face daily. Our kids immediately were brother and sisters. I went from one kid to three. 4 months later we were married. and are going on 8 years now. Life hasn't been nice, their mom walked out when they were little and never came back. Our oldest has several mental disabilities because of her mother, which I take care of daily. My husband is an over the road trucker, so sometimes it's like being a single mom. Doctors, physiatrist, and counselors are our weekly routine. I try to show my kids how much I love them, my son doesn't even know he's not mine and that's alright with me. They light up my life! Our path hasn't been easy, we have our daily ups and downs, but we do what we have to. We may not be perfect and definitely have our kinks, but at the end of the day I know my husband loves me, my kids love me, and I wouldn't have it any other way!

 

Warrior Story written by Tarinna , and told in her own words.

For a related story, check out Kimbra's Story
 

Warrior Mom; Barbara

Barbara's Story

 

 



I had a still born daughter in 2001, delivered my first son in 2005, and had three miscarriages (all between 4-5 months) over the next four years. Every loss was more difficult than the last. Doctors couldn't figure out what kept happening. All of the testing they did came back normal. Everything indicated I should be having healthy, successful pregnancies. I didn't know if I could bear to loose anymore children. In early 2010, I became pregnant with my sixth child. The pregnancy was touch and go. At 26 weeks I went to the hospital one more time. This time I hadn't felt baby movement in a few days. My husband and I figured it was probably just another "routine" visit, so I drove myself to the local maternity hospital. I could tell after the nurse did my triage this wasn't the typical visit. The doctor was in my room moments after I had been admitted. After about two minutes of an ultrasound he left. There was only a curtain, rather than a door. I could hear the doctor on the phone and talking to the nurse. All I clearly understood was "prep the O.R. Immediately" and "bed 5 needs to be prepped". My heart sank. I was in bed 5. I didn't know what was wrong, I didn't understand why I was going to surgery again. A months before, I had to have a very dangerous surgery performed to remove my appendix. The doctor came back in. I didn't give him time to tell me I was going to surgery. I blurted out "WHAT IS WRONG!" He looked at me with a look of pure sympathy. I knew then, it was the baby this time. He told me that I was going to be having an emergency C-section  because my placenta and uterus had collapsed on the baby and he was going to die. I called my husband, somehow managed to convey something was wrong and our child was being born that night. I lost so much blood I flat lined on the table and don't remember many hours after that. I was barely coming to in ICU when I realized my husband was talking to a nurse at the nurses station. I couldn't talk as I had a breathing tube down my throat. I heard the nurse tell him "we've done all we can do. If she is going to make it through the night, it is going to be up to her". All I could think was I can't die! Not now! Not yet! I pulled through and later that night (actually probably around 3am the next morning) I woke up. My husband was there. I asked him if the baby was ok and he said he was. I can only imagine what my husband went through arriving at the hospital, thinking you've lost your infant, and then being told your wife might not make it. Once I was fully stable the doctor released me to critical care. On the way to my room we stopped by NICU and I met my son. Things were bad but the prognosis was

good. The next day things got worse. About mid morning I got a call in my room from my son's doctor. "We will need you to make a decision as to whether or not we will continue life support". For the third time in 12 hours my heart dropped out of my chest. I called my husband who was moving us to a new apartment, we had to be out. I explained what the doctor said. We spoke to the doctor. Begged for an alternative. He said there were a few treatments and test they could try, but he wasn't hopeful. We decided if things continued to be bad or get worse we would say goodbye to our son in two days. Those three days were the hardest days I have ever faced. We didn't understand, it wasn't fair. Why did everyone else get have keep their babies and mine kept getting taken away. The night I said goodbye to my son was the most angry, hurt, confused, and depressed I have ever been. My son's doctor wanted to perform an autopsy. He told us he suspected he knew what was happening. Three months after my son passed I got the news, I have a rare disease called neonatal hemochromatosis. The basic definition was my body was killing my babies. I was devastated. I didn't know what I was going to do. Two weeks after that phone call, I found out I was pregnant again. I called my son's doctor. I was scared and didn't know who else to call. He gave me the best news I could imagine. "There is a treatment and you can have a successful pregnancy". Thanks to loosing my son I have my seventh child (second living). You see, evidence that the mother has NH can only be found in the liver of the infant. In order to run the specific test needed the baby has to have passed as a neonate. Though I wish I never had to go through loosing my son, I understand why. God needed a couple of things to happen. He needed my husband and I to become a stronger united couple, something we did over the time of the pregnancy and kissing our son. We learned to rely on each other. God also needed us and my doctors to know about this disease in my body. The thing is God knew he was about to give us an amazing, though trying, blessing. He gave us our Monkey. I say he is trying, not because if his personality or his behavior, but because Monkey has multiple defects with his heart and kidneys. Monkey is now two and has had three open heart surgeries and two kidney surgeries. I fight right alongside my little man every day. I wish I could say one day he will not know a life filled with doctors and surgeries but that will never be the case the surgeries manage his defects of which there is no known cure for.

 

 

Warrior Story written by Barbara Amos in her own words

 

 

 For a related story, check out Tarinna's Story