Two Cents Tuesday; Teaching

 



You Teach People How To Treat You I heard this a short time after yet another failed relationship. I was in the midst of my poor me, “why can’t I find a guy who treats me like a princess?”, state of mind. Hearing that statement was a hard pill to swallow. I have been teaching these guys how to treat me? This can’t be right. I always treat my boyfriends well, do everything for them, and never cause waves by getting mad about little things.

It was only after a few weeks and some clarity that I realized the statement was 100% true. I had been teaching my boyfriends how to treat me. I had taught them that they could do whatever they wanted and I wouldn’t say anything. If they ditched me at the last moment, I wouldn’t say anything. “It’s okay honey, I don’t mind.” The truth was that I did mind. I minded a lot. I just didn’t want to be “that” girlfriend. You know, the girlfriend who stands up for herself if her boyfriend disrespects her. In my mind, I was keeping the relationship smooth. In reality, I was teaching my boyfriends that they could walk all over me and I wouldn’t stand up for myself.

You teach people how to treat you, especially in relationships. This is very hard to accept as it puts some blame on us for others’ behavior. Have you heard the saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”? This pretty much puts this whole idea of teaching people how to treat you in context.

Say you are in a relationship with a man who cheats. You found out about it the first time and took him back. You taught him that you will take him back when he does that. In my case, it was turning a blind eye to cheating. So my boyfriends (yes, it happened a lot), would think I didn’t catch on and keep doing it. I taught them that they could get away with it. Had I ended the relationships when I first saw the obvious signs, it would have saved me from heartache.

But I didn’t want to be “that” girl. That girl doesn’t get cheated on more than once. That girl also may be called a b*tch, but she gets what she wants. She doesn’t put up with any crap that some of us do just to avoid rocking the boat. That girl finds a man who respects her and treats her like a princess because she is too b*tchy to put up with less. No one disrespects THAT girl after they meet her.

After I accepted the idea that I am responsible for how people treat me, I started to put it into action in my life. I found a man that knows I will not allow any cheating, lying, ignoring, or any other behavior that I once allowed. He treats me like a princess….because I taught him that I wouldn’t accept any less. I also married that man and I continue to teach him daily how to treat me. I no longer worry about “rocking the boat”. I don’t have the energy to be the nice girl anymore. I deserve better.

YOU teach people how to treat you. YOU can either allow them to walk on you, or demand respect. It's your choice.

 

That's my two cents anyway....